[Review] Legends Of Tomorrow Episode 4×12: “The Eggplant, the Witch & the Wardrobe”

written by Kate Spencer

SPOILER WARNINGS ARE IN EFFECT

Trapped in a neverending loop of obnoxious retail employees, pushy customers, awful claustrophobic environments… Surrounded by an oppressive sense of dread that won’t end until doom claims us all…

But enough about my experiences working retail, let’s talk about Episode 4×12 of Legends.

Sara finally goes to check on Ava and finds a trashed apartment and no Ava. Back on the ship, Ray and Nora aren’t even trying to hide now, and they bring Zari, Sara, and Constantine up to speed on the whole Neron business. Nora helps with the investigation using her weird connection to Neron (much to Constantine’s displeasure) and tracks Ava to a hotel room. Inside, they find Ava sitting on the floor in a trance, symbols carved into her chest.

FREAKY.

Nate and Gary destroy evidence of Hank’s embezzlement of funds for “Jurmagic Park” (Nate’s joke, not mine) so it doesn’t take the Bureau down with him. Ray arrives to tell Nate about Neron, just to give Nate that extra little push towards his inevitable nervous breakdown. You know, with everything Nate has been through this season alone, I think he’s earned the right to feel a little overwhelmed. And then he gets a call from a contractor at HeyWorld. Oh boy, it’s already under construction. They visit the site where the front gate has already been constructed and the crew is working off of Nate’s childhood drawings. Nate tells them to tear it all down.

Ava is taken back to the Waverider where Doctor Constantine diagnoses her with a bad case of “going to get possessed by a demon” and says that her soul is lost in Purgatory. Being a good girlfriend, Sara wants to jump in after her. Constantine warns her of doom and gloom but does the spell anyway and soon, Sara find herself in the horrific nightmare that is Purgatory.

Yeah, that tracks.

Charlie and Mona tease Zari about liking Nate while Mick just grumbles. Mona even has a ship name: “Natari”. I’m kind of partial to “Zarlie” myself, and it seems Charlie is too, because when they all start teasing Zari about her wind powers, this happens:

ZARI: “What’s this, ‘Legends Eye For the Straight Guy’?”
CHARLIE: “You’re straight?”

She didn’t say yes.

Sara finds Ava in the literal checkout line. They head for an exit but just end up walking in circles. Sales clerk Gary sends them to assemble a wardrobe to escape. Hang on, hang on, hang on…are we going to have a scene of Sara and Ava trying to assemble furniture with allen wrenches? Hell yes.

The first attempt fails because Sara refuses to look at the instructions. This gets them to talk about their fight. Ava doesn’t really believe in torturing magical creatures for the good of humanity; she just felt backed into a corner with a girlfriend who didn’t have her back. The second assembly attempt goes better, with only one extra piece left over. Yeah, it’s fine; you don’t need that piece. Trust me. I’ve done this–

–sorry, computer desk fell over. Anyway, I’ve done this a lot.

Charlie shapeshifts into Ava as a decoy, and Constantine and Nora actually manage to capture Neron and lock him up in the Time Bureau with four more episodes to go until the finale! Wow, what a lucky break. I’m sure nothing bad will happen. Constantine wants to send Neron back to Hell, but that causes friction with Nora, who has other plans. Nate and Ray arrive and Nate has a one on one conversation with Neron. Tensions are running high and it’s obvious the demon is influencing them to lose their tempers. Also Neron keeps whistling “Pop Goes the Weasel” in a creepy way and it’s stressing me out.

The wardrobe doesn’t lead the girlfriends to Narnia or the exit, but the mattress department instead. A salesman warns them about “Tabitha,” but Gary dismisses that and encourages Sara and Ava to take their time in selecting a mattress because it’s a very important decision. This department is all about their shared anxiety of growing old…together. Both are seriously considering it.

Charlie, Mona, and Mick “help” Zari figure out what to text Nate. Mick isn’t even the most lewd of the bunch, he’s just suggesting words instead of emojis like a “dancing lady carrying a burning eggplant”. Ahhhh, so that’s where the eggplant in the title comes from. I love this stupid show.

After a brief stint living a simulated domestic life of dishes, spilled trash cans, burned-out lights, and endless junk mail, Sara and Ava argue about Sara settling down and being all domestic. Ava disappears and Sara finds herself in a warehouse full of packaged Avas lined up for her to choose: Athletic Ava, Sexy Ava, Ava with kung-fu grip. Sara wants the real Ava. Store clerk Gary warns her that the store is closing in five minutes and that Tabitha will be there soon…

After a heart-to-heart with Ray, Nate changes his mind about destroying the park. After trying and failing to get the contractor back on the phone, he heads to the construction site and catches the wrecking ball in his steel form. Unfortunately, his phone gets destroyed, along with the text Zari just sent asking him out.

Sara finds the real Ava in the “As Is” section and either there’s some weird word placement on those background signs or there are hidden messages in this episode that I just can’t decode. When Sara assures Ava that she’s the one she wants, they both wake up.

Nora talks to Neron alone and seems to be slipping. He lets slip that he wasn’t preparing Ava for him to possess, but rather to use her as a vessel for Tabitha. Neron tempts Nora with bringing back her father, but he can’t leave there as Desmond. He suggests Nora as a new vessel. Before she can let him out, Constantine walks in and she chokes him out and throws him into a wall. With Neron free, he leaves Desmond’s body and tries to take Nora’s…but Nora and Constantine suddenly spring their trap while Neron is vulnerable!

Then Ray screws it up.

He runs in, interrupting whatever they’re trying to do. Nora blasts Neron in desperation, but some kind of kickback puts her into a coma. Desmond is free, though, and Constantine believes Neron is destroyed. Constantine tries to reunite with Desmond, but Des wants nothing to do with him since Constantine was the one to send him to hell in the first place. He also refuses a memory wipe, saying that they’re both going to have to live with that memory.

Constantine then halfheartedly admonishes Ray for messing everything up while also praising Nora’s bravery. Once Ray leaves, Constantine promises Nora he’s going to see her through this and that he won’t abandon her like he did when she was a child.

Outside, Ray walks away from the Time Bureau whistling “Pop Goes the Weasel”.

Well, that’s a twist.

Obviously the Neron plot wasn’t going to be wrapped up there, but it was nice to see Desmond being freed from possession instead of killed off to give Constantine more angst. I mean Constantine is still going to have Desmond-related angst, but at least it’s not Dead Boyfriend Angst.

Still no idea who this Tabitha is. If she’s based on a DC Comics villain, it isn’t one I’m familiar with, and the only mythological link I can find is a woman raised from the dead by Saint Peter. This is Legends though, so maybe we’re talking about Tabitha Stephens from Bewitched. It does seem really odd to have the magical creatures start off as the villains, then jump to Hank and Neron, then to Neron and Tabitha. I’m still not entirely sure where this season is going. But hey, if we get something comparable to Beebo, I’m here for it.

The highlight of this episode was definitely the Ava and Sara plot. It’s jarringly normal for two people with such bizarre lives to find the prospect of a normal life their personal purgatory. It was a good “making up” episode that actually hints at things becoming more serious for the pair. And come on, the two running around a supernatural department store? That’s just awesome.

Next time: *sigh* “Egg MacGuffin”.

Legends Of Tomorrow airs Mondays on the CW at 9 ET/8 CT. Kate can be reached on Twitter @WearyKatie.

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