written by Kate Danvers
SPOILER WARNINGS ARE IN EFFECT
Neron created a very specialized app that uses the viral spread of information to track down monster sightings, even though social media apps already exist and can make news go viral much faster. Yet he’s upset that only a few thousand people have downloaded it so far, even though in reality he would already be flooded with “sightings” that amount to “LOL my mother-in-law”, “I swear to God I just saw Bigfoot”, and dick pics.
Sorry, I forgot to rant about that last time so I front-loaded it this time. You’re welcome.
Tabitha has a conversation with Charlie where she either just straight-up calls her a monster pretending to be human, or implies she’s something more than just a shapeshifter. That part is unclear, but what is clear is that without any other magical creatures to force into attacking D.C., Neron and Tabitha are going to use Charlie whether she’s willing or not. They force her to shift into a politician, which is far more torturous than anything they’ve done thus far.
Fresh off of getting pulled into Hell while calling Gary a dick, Nora falls into a dumpster (with a plume of fairy sparkles) and shouts “Ass!” followed by “Damn it, Gary!” I don’t know if she always talked like that and I just noticed it more because of how much it contrasts with her fairy princess outfit, or if the writers threw in a little more foul language because it was funny. Either way, Sweary Godmother fills me with so much joy. She’s not having much luck getting directions from the other damned souls, but her wand is acting like a compass thanks to Gary’s wish. She finds Constantine and frees him from torture. The warlock has a plan to get into the soul vault to find Ray. They recruit Astra with the promise of putting her bosses back on top by dethroning Neron.
Zari and Nate track down Little Zari, preparing for the worst because Zari was bullied as a child. Instead they find a crowd of kids gathered around a dancing baby dragon. Little Zari has brought her pet “Mithra” to school. But her teacher is a narc and calls the Time Bureau with the Eyes app. In the Bureau’s most efficient operation ever, they open a portal behind Mithra and drag him away.
Neron testifies before a Senate committee where Tabitha forces Charlie, who’s still disguised as a senator, to shapeshift into Tagumo (the giant squid from Episode 4×05) and lash out at everyone. The Legends are able to rescue Charlie, but the damage is done – people are rioting in the streets. The fear feeds Neron power that he’s going to use to open a massive portal to Hell in order to free his minions.
Inspired by the video of the kids playing with the dragon, the Legends formulate a plan to show people that magical creatures aren’t the monsters they fear, but rather misunderstood misfits. They’re going to finish HeyWorld! …in about two or three years. Okay, they need an easy button. Zari suggests Brigid’s diary, but that’s locked up in the Time Bureau vault and–oh wait, never mind, Mick stole it back already off-screen. Easy button!
In Hell, Constantine, Astra, and Sweary Godmother con their way into the vault and start searching for Ray’s soul coin. Astra begins pocketing some coins for her own use, but Ray’s coin is eventually found.
Gideon detects a potential change to the timeline – Zari’s future. If the HeyWorld plan works, it will usher in an era of peace and acceptance of metahumans and magical beings. Zari’s parents get to live out their lives peacefully, her brother survives, and her post-apocalyptic future never happens. This is bittersweet for Zari. It’s everything she ever wanted, but it would means that she never joins the Legends and the past two years would have never happened. Sara wants Zari to stay on the Waverider in the Temporal Zone while the new timeline sets in, which will prevent her from being erased. Not entirely sure that’s ever worked, but okay.
With Ray’s soul in hand, Nora and Constantine go to Ray’s own personal Hell where he’s in a torture room…playing Giant Jenga with Vandal Savage. Quelle the fuck? Seems they’re good friends now because absence makes the heart grow fonder or because Hell turned Savage’s brain into jelly. I just want to point out how absurdly Ray it is that he got sent to Hell and immediately made a friend out of a former enemy.
The Legends shoot a promo for HeyWorld with Sara, Nate, and Gary dressed as Supergirl, Green Arrow, and the Flash, respectively. Apparently they asked the real Trinity to participate, but they said “hard pass”. Nate says they should have done the crossover. Meta!
Sara in that Supergirl costume, though…
Charlie and Mona talk the magical creatures into putting on a show at HeyWorld. Constantine and Nora return from Hell with Ray’s soul in coin form. Constantine isn’t keen on the HeyWorld idea and already has a Plan B. Ray’s deal with Neron was Ray’s body in exchange for sparing Nate. If Nate dies by Neron’s hand, then the deal is broken, Neron gets forced out, and Constantine can kill him. Sara axes that plan immediately.
Nate creates the theme park with the book. Once the crowd shows up, Nate and Sara (as Steel and White Canary) put on a show that starts out as a superhero stage show, then turns into a talent show of magical creatures. The crowd ain’t having it until Tabitha and a fully grown Mithra show up to cause a panic. Tabitha absorbs the fear energy and orders the dragon to kill Sara, but Little Zari (who’s attending opening day with her mother) orders the dragon to stop. She tells the dragon to dance like before and it whaps Tabitha with its tail, then eats her. Bit violent for an all-ages stage show, but someone seems to like it.
Oh, him? Yeah, he’s there too, sowing the seeds of the Crisis On Infinite Earths crossover next season. At least the Legends are participating in that one.
Neron uses Tabitha’s staff to open a portal to Hell. When Constantine tries to stop him, Neron chokes him to death. But then the illusion fades, revealing that it’s not Constantine who Neron just killed – it’s Nate. Constantine tells Sara that it was Nate’s decision, then he destroys Neron when the demon is ejected from Ray’s body. Ray’s soul is restored to his body and the Legends mourn their fallen friend (including Zari, who leaves the Temporal Zone).
Nate meets his father again in the rafters, where the two spirits watch over the aftermath of the battle. Hank says he had faith that Nate and the Legends would eventually stop Neron, but that their little stage show was missing an important element: music. He starts singing “Sweet Baby James”, briefly possessing Mick to get people in the world of the living to sing along. The minotaur begins playing along while everyone joins hands to sing.
Y’all, this is cheesy as hell but I love it.
The singing charges Tabitha’s staff, which Constantine uses to bring Nate back to life. Nate starts to panic when he realizes Zari isn’t in the Temporal Zone. He hugs her, then breaks the hug with Behrad Tomaz – alive and well, wearing the Air Totem, and a Legend. With Zari nowhere to be found and no one having any memory of her as a Legend, the team returns to the Waverider.
In Hell, Astra cashes in the soul coins she snagged from Neron’s vault – Joseph Stalin, Genghis Khan, Lizzie Borden, and others. She wants to send them all back to Earth to fulfill their destiny.
I loved that finale, but I have serious problems with how it ended. Not the “clap your hands if you believe in fairies” singalong resurrection – that was fantastic. No, I have a major problem with Zari being erased like that. In an interview, showrunner Phil Klemmer confirmed that Tala Ashe would return next season, but Zari “as we know her” is gone. This could mean a couple of things – it could mean Tala Ashe will be playing an entirely different character like Maisie Richardson-Sellers did when she came back this season as Charlie, or it could mean we’re getting the new timeline Zari with a different personality and/or power set. Amaya’s departure gave us a great character in Charlie, but honestly, I’m a bit more attached to Zari than I was to Amaya. It’s still too early to tell what’s going to happen, but I’m sad to see our Zari go.
And look, I’m just going to point out that the last time we saw Little Zari, she was chasing after a baby dragon (Mithra returned to baby size after Tabitha’s death). Next season might give us Zari Tomaz: Mother of Dragons. Just…please don’t make her a villain.
My other concern is with next season’s villain arc. Instead of Vandal Savage, the Legion of Doom, magical creatures, or aberrations, the new baddies are called “Encores” – history’s greatest villains brought back for an encore run. That might be interesting, but something Legends of Tomorrow has mostly avoided or dodged around up to this point is showing most of history’s greatest monsters. That’s actually a good thing, because when you take Stalin or Hitler or Charles Manson and turn them into villains of the week, you run the risk of trivializing what they actually did. It’s similar to what was done with “Crisis On Earth-X” and Supergirl Season Four – you’re turning real-world horrors into fictional villains, and it’s a really delicate balance between keeping that respectful and making it entertaining. I love this show and I’ll definitely be watching Season Five, but I’m cautious about this particular plotline.
Final thought: the most unrealistic part of that finale wasn’t the dragon, the witch, the demon, the portal to Hell, the fairy godmother, or bringing someone back to life with the power of love. It’s that a whole room full of people of varying ages knew the lyrics to the same James Taylor song. It’s an okay song, but you just know every kid in that crowd was mouthing the word “watermelon” over and over.
Legends got an early renewal, but it’s not coming back till mid-season (probably the crossover). See ya next season, nerds!
Legends Of Tomorrow airs Mondays on the CW at 9 ET/8 CT. Kate can be reached on Twitter @WearyKatie.