[Review] Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

written by George Hatch

EDITOR’S NOTE: This review was written and published before Carrie Fisher’s death on December 27th. May the Force be with you, Carrie.

SPOILER WARNINGS ARE IN EFFECT

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is the first Star Wars property to hit the big screen that doesn’t follow the Skywalker bloodline, instead focusing on the age-old question: how did the Rebels get the Death Star plans? It’s a topic that’s been covered multiple times in the pre-Disney Expanded Universe, so much so that each one contradicts the other. We’ve had Kyle Katarn steal them from a secret Imperial base (Dark Troopers), Rebel dissidents on the Death Star transmitting the plans to Polis Massa (Battlefront II), Han Solo’s ex-girlfriend lead a suicide squad to get the plans off Toprawa (X-Wing, Rebel Dawn )…it’s a confusing slog, and that’s not counting the other continuity gaffes that make Disney’s jettisoning of the old EU look reasonable.
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[#366Flicks] The Magnificent Twenty-One

Magnificent Seven.jpg

There are no original ideas left. Every story that can be conceived already has been. Take heart in knowing that no matter what great narrative you’ve dreamed up, someone has already done it, and better. Time is cyclical, the snake is eating its tail, nothing changes ’cause it’s all the same, the world you get’s the one you give away, it all just happens again way down the line.

But hey, no pressure, creators!

(Spoilers within.)

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[#366Flicks] Everything that’s old is new again.

blair-witch

“Hey, guys, my sister and her friends disappeared and probably died horribly when they went camping in those cursed woods. Despite the massive search for them and it being twenty years later, this blurry YouTube video makes me think she may somehow still be alive in there! Wanna go camping with me to try and find them?”

“….yeah, no.”

THE END

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[#366Flicks] While my shamisen gently weeps.

kubo-and-the-two-strings

A young boy must go on a quest to retrieve three magical golden items, each one requiring the defeat of a great foe to acquire. He’ll meet mystical characters, use unconventional weapons, and discover new powers to help him along the way. Only once he has all three golden objects will he be able to defeat the magical inhuman being threatening his existence.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THE LEGEND OF ZELDA! BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!

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[#366Flicks] Albuquerque

Wrong Turn

Your magnanimous movie maestro has just returned from a road trip from his home in the Deep South all the way up to the wild suburbs of Illinois. Next week he’ll be headed all the way to Atlanta for DragonCon. What better way to celebrate all this time on the open road than by watching all six of the Wrong Turn movies?

Wait…there are SIX of these things? Oy. You’d think after four wrong turns they’d be going the right direction again.

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