It’s a big day! Today we have an R rated superhero movie, my Oscar round up and predictions, and it’s Leap Day! This is the day that forces…er…allows me to watch one more movie than the average movie-a-day watcher this year. Huzzah! Now, without further ado, it’s time for some spandex and dick jokes.
A busy week for me means we have a quick pick sampling of reviews. Deep thoughts? Close analysis? Carefully curated films that share a central theme and expose nuance and subtlety in each individual movie while lifting up the group as whole with their unified message? None of that nonsense! Just a handful of random movies and some quick thoughts on them. Look, some crazy person decided to watch 366 movies this year, I have a quota to hit.
For Valentine’s Day this post is all about one thing.
Sex. Making love. The horizontal mambo. Bumping uglies. Making whoopee. Banging. Doing it. Intercourse. Sexy times. Laying pipe. Boning. Doing the nasty. Making the beast with two backs. Screwing. Fornication. Nookie. Hanky panky. Bow-chick-a-wow-wow. The pants off dance off. Humping. Shagging. A roll in the hay. Porking. Coitus.
Soon many people will be celebrating Valentine’s Day, a day set aside to show your love for one another and really give that special someone your heart. This week I watched a pair of movies that feature someone taking people’s hearts. Forcefully. Through their rib cage. With a pick ax.
I’m a romantic, deep down.
In today’s cinematic selection we have a French film that features Jean-Claude Van Damme, a martial artist action movie star with a waning career, playing Jean-Claude Van Damme, a martial artist action movie star with a waning career.
The casting director had a really easy job is what I’m saying.
One fateful night a group of self involved annoying teenagers discover that more than just the NSA is listening in on their online communications. Unless NSA stands for.. nighttime… spirit… apparition! Yeah! I really should have planned that one out ahead of time…
Quick aside: Apologies for being a little late with post yet again. This past week I really got caught between two projects that required my attention. I was juggling multiple duties and things just kept popping up. For now though I’ve gotten everything beaten back and I will do my best to stay on track. Thank you for bearing with me dear readers. And now on to your regularly scheduled review.
Fun fact: the actress playing Steve Carell’s wife in the beginning of this movie is Steve Carell’s actual wife! She doesn’t have any lines since she immediately runs away from Carell never to be seen again.
This could be more upsetting, but an asteroid is going to wipe out all life on Earth in three weeks anyway, so really, what ya gonna do ?
Ok, we gather a group of the fastest guns in the west. They come from different backgrounds; lawmen and gang members, bounty hunters and hardened criminals, former confederates and black Union soldiers. We strand them together in a cabin and then…have them talk at each other.
A lot.
Five men share a loft to facilitate illicit trysts with women other than their wives. Little did they know that the most illicit thing to happen in that loft would be…MURDER!!
(Spoilers lie below, venture forth at your own risk.)
No review above the cut this time. While I won’t be spoiling anything major I will be talking about basic character information that you learn in the first 20 to the 30 minutes of the movie. I know I did my best to go into this movie with as little information as possible so I’m giving you the same chance. Click below to continue on to my review of Star Wars: The Force Awakens.