written by Kate Danvers
SPOILER WARNINGS ARE IN EFFECT
Ehrmahgrd, moar zombies!
The Legends attempt to leave the house, but the portal linking the door to Greek Row is gone, so it’s just England outside. None of them have a time courier, so they’re stuck. Also, the Waverider has been stolen by Astra and the Fates. When Sara touches Ava, she has a vision that she doesn’t disclose to the team and just says the chalice messed with her power. Ava has a plan: Head to the Time Bureau’s London safehouse, which is still standing even after the Bureau was shuttered, and should have a time courier. So they catch a bus.
Okay, they steal a bus.
Okay okay, Mick throws the bus driver out, causing the driver to Wilhelm Scream.
Another image that will be forever etched in my brain when thinking about Legends of Tomorrow.
The Fates has disabled Gideon and have full control of the Waverider. Astra is forced to work with the Fates because of her deal with Lachesis, but she has some demands. No more prunes, dogs stay puppies forever, and she wants her mother resurrected. Atropos would rather kill Astra, but she’s immortal. Instead, Lachesis tells her to kill the Legends…who are also immortal. Didn’t think that through, did ya? Atropos casts a spell while focusing on England on the globe in the parlor. Gary is sneaking around with his therapy bunny, trying to figure out what’s going on.
Mick is driving on the wrong side of the road, Sara hands over command to Ava, and Constantine is sitting in the back of the bus, lighting up under a huge sign that says “Smoking Will Kill You.” Zari yells at Constantine because she thought he quit. He did, but with Astra betraying them and the Fates in control of destiny, he’s saying fuck it. She takes the cigarette away from him.
The bus hits a woman who turns out to be a zombie, and more start approaching. They’re not going after Constantine, though, since he has a damned soul. The bus is wrecked, so they’re stranded again. Constantine and Zari go off to find another vehicle. Along the way, Constantine suggests that Behrad is meant to die in every timeline, and that naturally just upsets Zari.
Lachesis shows Astra what will happen if they bring her mother back: She’ll just die from an unspecified coughing disease? Because she’s human and humans are squishy and die so easily.
Gary tries to get Gideon back online, but he’s electrocuted. When he comes to, he sees human Gideon, who tells him he has to get the rings and keep them away from the Fates. She then bunny-hops across the floor as a distraction while Gary steals the rings from the parlor.
Uh…what?
There’s always a good reason to bring back human Gideon.
Soldiers arrive at the bus and mistake the Legends for zombies. Ava is shot in the head, but then gets right back up and heals. Not presenting the most convincing “not a zombie” argument. The military takes the “sentient super zombies” into custody. Ava gives the team a rousing speech that motivates them to escape the military vehicle by jumping out the back.
Constantine and Zari find a van in a junkyard, but they’re surrounded by zombies while looking for the key. Since Constantine isn’t on the zombies’ menu, he uses a spell to stop Zari’s heart long enough to carry her to the van. They have a “moment” after her heart doesn’t restart right away.
Gary gets a time courier from the lab, but the Fates catch him and demand the rings back. Seems “Gideon” was just a figment of his imagination after he was electrocuted. He makes the rings disappear with a spell. Astra is assigned to torture him to get the rings back, but he reminds her that even though she knows her mother’s death is inevitable, that’s just the end. There are still happy memories before that. Astra changes her mind and starts to free Gary, but she’s killed by Atropos.
The Legends are picked up by Constantine and Zari, and the latter even gets to say “Get in, losers; we’re going looming.” I love her. They get to the safehouse – which is just a pub – but find it unmanned. Ava’s clearance still gets her into a room where a time courier is stored, so they’re home free! …Except not, because the courier isn’t charged.
Good to know that meme is alive in Zari’s future.
Zari walks out in frustration, but Constantine follows. He tries to cheer her up, but they just end up arguing…and then fucking. Just want to point out here how I’ve been told that a w/w or m/m relationship built up over several episodes, seasons, or years is “forced,” but a man and a woman can go from fighting to fucking in two seconds and that’s “romance.”
Once that nonsense trope is out of the way, the Legends sit around waiting for the courier to charge while they talk about what they would each do with the Loom of Fate. Ava asks Sara what she really saw in her vision earlier, and she finally tells Ava that she saw herself dying in the pub. She’s been setting Ava up to replace her as leader once she’s dead.
The pub is surrounded by zombies and the clock ticks down to zero, signaling the end of their immortality. They try to barricade the door, but the zombies get through. Sara is torn apart by zombies just before the courier finishes charging. Ava gives Charlie the courier and tells her to confront her sisters on her own. Charlie escapes through the time courier portal just as the Legends are overrun.
Once back on the Waverider, Charlie frees Gary and asks for the rings. He brings them back and is immediately killed by Atropos. Charlie then rejoins her sisters, who welcome her back.
Curse your sudden but extremely transparent betrayal!
That went in some unexpected directions. I would not have called the Legends dying, even if Sara is apparently the only confirmed death in the pub. Also, Astra’s and Gary’s deaths were very sudden. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were brought back at the end of all this.
Charlie going bad at the end is an obvious ploy, because Ava more or less told her to do that exact thing when she has her escape the pub. Really, it’s a good strategy. Sara is dead, the Fates are in control of the Waverider, and even if the remaining Legends had managed to get through the portal without the zombies killing them, they would probably have been killed by the Fates on the other side. However, Ava knows that since things haven’t drastically changed for them, something must have gone wrong and the Fates weren’t able to use the Loom. Sending the one Legend who had a chance of surviving the other Fates (because they needed her) and using the Loom to bring the rest of them back was their best shot. It’s a desperate plan, but a good one.
Next time: The Legends are on TV! …I mean on TV on the show, not…okay, that’s just more confusing. Ever seen the movie Stay Tuned?
Legends of Tomorrow airs Tuesdays on the CW at 9 ET/8 CT. Kate has an elaborate zombie plan involving claymore mines, Twinkies, and Samus Aran. Follow her on Twitter @WearyKatie.