written by Cara Russell
SPOILER WARNINGS ARE IN EFFECT
Welcome to “Elseworlds Part 3,” where the timeline’s made up and the continuity doesn’t matter!
But seriously though, I don’t watch Arrow or The Flash, so I’m not entirely sure what’s going on, but since it’s a break from Supergirl‘s regular season, I don’t care. IT’S ALL AMAZING; TEN GOLD STARS.
The baddie of the crossover uses the power to rewrite reality to make himself into a Superman doppelgänger, complete with adoring groupies. Flash and Green Arrow are turned into low-rent villains of the week, who are still smart enough to escape by endangering a bunch of kids, forcing fake-Superman into acting heroically. Good job, heroes; at least Barry has the moral fiber to feel sick about it.
Back at the Evil Groupie Hangout at S.T.A.R. Labs, we get to see Tyler Hoechlin be friggin’ amazing at playing evil. 10/10 gold stars; would stan again. Kara is finally accounted for – instead of being rewritten, she’s held in a power-dampening cell under the watchful eye of Alex’s Elseworlds counterpart. Unfortunately for Deegan, Alex is just as lawful in any universe, and Kara runs a one-woman “YOU’RE GOOD AND ALSO P.S. YOU’RE GAY” intervention. It convinces Alex to betray Superdick and free Kara.
Meanwhile, Barry and Oliver do what any sensible person would do and use their new villainous histories to visit Crime Boss (lol) Cisco Ramon. Cisco orders Superman’s Worst Pal Jimmy Olsen to lay down a beating on the pair, but Barry saves them with a bluff. Barry then offers to teach Cisco to use his powers more fully in exchange for hitching a ride across realities.
They breach to Earth-38 to fetch the one and only Superman, who conveniently knows what MacGuffin is being used to warp reality and how to undo it. They return to crash Kara and Alex’s breaking-out party, and the team splits up to fight various threats. We get Superman vs. Superman, Green Arrow taking on some lackeys, and Barry, Kara and Alex after the reality-changing hot potato–err, I mean book.
When Deegan escapes with the book again, Supergirl and Flash decide they must travel around the planet to slow down time For Reasons. Superman gets in position to reclaim the book, and Green Arrow has a dick-measuring contest with the Monitor. Deegan summons Amazo, an enemy that took all four Super Friends to defeat earlier in the crossover, and Superman fares poorly until Lois Lane shows up with a sweet-lookin’ hammer, along with Brainiac 5 and J’onn J’onzz from Earth-38. Brainy quickly takes Amazo out of the equation while J’onn takes care of civilians, leaving Lois and Superman to get trounced by Deegan. As time slows with Lois falling to her doom, Green Arrow shows up to shoot a pointy stick into Deegan’s book, saving the day so we can all get back to watching the stuff we tuned in for.
With everyone back in their own universes, Lois and Clark reveal that they’re having a baby(!), moving to Argo(!!) and also getting married, while being the most amazing characters and lovable couple who think the world is safe under Supergirl’s care. I want to live in their world, where Agent Liberty isn’t a thing and there’s no need for two of the most fearless, respected, morally grounded reporters in the world to help fight with their mighty pens. Heck, Superman could cash in some of his attractive white dude “Saved the Planet, Still An Alien, Guys” goodwill chips.
It’s still a beautiful place to leave the show for the mid-season finale: full of hope, happiness and optimism for all, even the perpetual grump Oliver Queen, and in particular every fan who saw Ruby Rose as Batwoman and wanted more. Thankfully, the execs understand this as well, and give us a Fall 2019 date for our next shared adventure. Until we meet again!
Supergirl airs Sunday nights at 8 Eastern/7 Central on the CW. Cara can be found on Twitter @virtualcara.