[Review] Legends of Tomorrow Episode 6×13: “Silence of the Sonograms”

written by Kate Danvers

It’s the antepenultimate episode of the season and things are just about wrapped up, so it’s time for our heroes to do stupid shit and play right into the hands of the Big Bad so the stakes are raised for the finale! Haven’t we been here before? I feel like we’ve been here before.

SPOILER WARNINGS ARE IN EFFECT

YES, OF COURSE IT’S BISHOP. Why was that even a cliffhanger? Bishop claims to be the last clone because Sara ruined his upload and corrupted his data. He’s a changed man, though! He asks for a place among the Legends. Sara says she has a room all picked out for him.

It’s the airlock, right?

No, unfortunately, it’s the force field cell thing in the lab. Whatever happened to the Season One brig?

Zari demands answers from Constantine about the board game experience and his behavior lately. He dismisses her, saying he’s just adapting to his new magic. When she doesn’t get the answers she needs, Zari storms off to find Astra. She tells Zari that if she wants to find out what happened with the Fountain of Imperium, they need to ask Spooner.

Ava wants to talk to Bishop, and that makes sense because she has that serial killer podcast and has always wanted to get into the head of a sociopath. I like this bit of character consistency, because all other character consistency is thrown out the window as Bishop immediately starts getting into her head. Oh, but Ava and Sara are like family to him now. The only family he has left.

Long-lived long-haired bearded villainous mastermind locked in a cell being interrogated by Legends one at a time so that he can easily manipulate them into acting completely out of character to achieve his master plan? I’m sure we’ve been here before.

“Bossy Ava” was always Bishop’s favorite, but Ava exceeded his expectations when she fell in love, because he lowered the oxytocin levels of all the Avas since love hampers productivity. Gosh, is that why Ava has had such a hard time with wedding planning? Maybe they can bond over figuring out seating arrangements! Or he could help with Mick’s pregnancy since the babies require proper nutrients and will otherwise feed on Mick’s brain…and starve…I added that last part. He teaches Ava how to whip up a concoction to pour in Mick’s ear. Problem solved! Bishop is such a helper.

This is infuriating. I know Ava is trying to play along, but you can see cracks forming even in their first conversation as Bishop starts manipulating her. Are they really saying Ava would fall for all of this? That she would be rattled by talking to her “creator?” Why is our confident badass captain so easily reduced to a poor lost child looking for her family?

Outside of the lab/brig, Zari and Astra ask Spooner about what happened in Spain while Bishop reads their lips through the glass. They figure out Spooner’s memory has been altered by a spell and set off to recover her memory while Ava interrogates Bishop again. Bishop asks if there’s something he can do to help Constantine. This is news to Ava, but she insists Constantine is fine.

He’s not.

Johnny, you don’t look so good.

Sara has Gideon running a scan on Bishop to figure out what he is. See, his upload didn’t complete and he only had a partial genetic code to work with, so the rest of his DNA has got to be from some kind of freaky alien, right? Right?

During more mad scientist/daughter bonding, Bishop reveals to Ava that he’s cloned himself over 200 times. He’s tight-lipped about what’s different about this iteration. He helps her pick out music for the wedding, then shows her how to dance to the song as their “father/daughter dance.” Bishop manipulates her some more by telling her how unique and special she is among the Ava clones, and she leaves the room before having a panic attack. When Sara asks about Bishop’s plan, Ava says she thinks he’s just lonely because not everyone has a family – you know, like Ava.

God fucking damn it, I hate this. Ava is absolutely allowed to have character moments like this. A feeling of loneliness, “other”ness, not belonging – and yes, she’s allowed to make mistakes. But: The Legends have been more of a family than the guy who designed her clone model. In another episode, she talked about still having an attachment to her fake parents. And this is a guy she knows is trying to manipulate her, but she allows it. She even gets short with her fiancée for mistrusting the literal bad guy.

I’m sorry, but this is just sloppy writing.

When your boyfriend is spending more time with his evil split personality than he is with you.

Astra uncovers Spooner’s memories and Zari goes to figure out what Constantine has been juicing with. She steals his flask and has Astra check it. Astra identifies it as a “Scarlet Lady” – extremely volatile blood magic that will end up killing Constantine. It isn’t long before Constantine comes looking for the flask. Zari gives him an ultimatum: her or the potion. That finally gets him to throw the flask away and apologize. The two of them head for the manor to lock Constantine in until the last of the Scarlet Lady is flushed from his system.

Sara apologizes for putting too much pressure on Ava with the interrogation and the wedding planning. Then they talk through Ava’s sudden “I am a robot. What is love?” crisis. I’m still really bugged by that, but it’s explained better in this scene. Ava’s family was fake, she didn’t have role models to really show her what a loving family was like, and she has jitters about messing it up. We could have done that without Bishop.

Ava goes over the wedding plans with Sara. Seems Bishop helped Ava pick out things Sara would like with creepy accuracy. Ava runs with that and checks Bishop’s DNA test – he’s 100% human, sure, but he’s only 94% Bishop and 6% Sara Lance. As we all know from every science-fiction cloning story ever, memories are stored in the DNA. And as we’ve learned from multiple past episodes of Legends, the Waverider and Gideon have no safety protocols, so Bishop just recites Sara’s command code to take control of Gideon.

Gideon, honey, you need to stop taking override codes from prisoners. This isn’t entirely on you, though. He was left unattended and someone just left Spooner’s gun on the table. Gotta fill that stupidity quota.

You know, Gideon apologizes for letting him out and seems fully aware of this, but keeps following his orders, implying she’s still bound by protocols against her will. #FreeGideon. Mick goes into labor, Bishop starts locking down the hallways of the Waverider, and Sara fights him in the hallway. Since Bishop “knows everything Sara knows,” she loses the fight because he has all of her skills plus Spooner’s gun…yeah, sure, whatever. While Sara recovers with freaky alien regeneration, Bishop slips into the med bay to deliver the eggs. He removes the communicator from Mick’s ear.

Just as Spooner is about to blast through the door, Bishop opens it and introduces the team to “the newest Legends” – forty-eight eggs. Bishop voluntarily returns to his cell, still keeping up the act of just wanting to help, but we see that he’s pocketed Mick’s communicator.

When Zari leaves Constantine to get him some tea, Bishop calls Constantine to offer him his powers back. Constantine basically tells him to fuck off and rips out his own communicator, but then his dark side appears to tempt him…and when tempting him doesn’t work, he magically throws him around the room and nearly kills him. Dark Constantine offers the flask…that’s somehow here even though Constantine threw it away in the Waverider. Constantine drinks, heals, then calls Bishop about that deal.

How does any of this work? Who cares?

I’ve made my dislike for episodes like this known already, so I won’t continue to harp on about it, but suffice to say that I didn’t like this one. This review took three weeks to write because of a lot of outside factors, but also because this was just a chore to talk about.

There was some good. Zari very clearly isn’t buying Constantine’s bullshit. She may have had her doubts last episode, but she’s got her guard up in this one. Even at the end when she lowers her guard just a little, it’s because she loves John and she’s offering to help him get better. She assures him that she fell in love with the man, not the magic, and there can be a life without sorcery. Alas, Constantine’s demons are too strong and he gets his ass kicked.

Well, now that character progression, common sense, and basic trigger discipline have been ignored in service of setting up the conflict, onto the finale! Final two episodes, save us!

Next time: Bishop’s master plan makes no goddamn sense and I’m going to tell you why.

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Legends of Tomorrow airs Sundays on the CW at 8 ET/7 CT. Kate would have put Bishop out the fucking airlock in the first 30 seconds. That’s it. There is no joke. Find her on Twitter @WearyKatie.

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